I have finally splashed out, and got ourselves (or should I say ‘myself’?) a Kindle.

It has taken us some years to get to this point. First, there was the financial side to consider, and then we had to process the whole pseudo-ethical arguments for and against traditional books.

Then there was the other important question: what would the Kindle actually serve? Jane Austen’s work was always going to be available – after all the Kindle isn’t going to thumb its nose at public-domain (i.e free), popular (read ‘extremely popular’) fiction. But finding that the works of Georgette Heyer are mostly all available too, tilted the scales – for me, anyway. Now the deed has been done.

Since placing the order, I’ve been eagerly tracking the progress of my our Kindle to us.

Only two days to get from the U.S.A to Australia. Wonder how long it’ll take from Australia to… Australia.

Stay tuned!

Some things get me thinking. Thinking enough to write a blog post.

Things like criticism.

I’ve heard a lot of advice about criticism.

Like: ‘If you don’t have anything good to say, then don’t say anything at all.’

I’m sure you’ve had your share of similar-sounding advice.

And you know what? I don’t think most people realize when they are being damagingly, soul-crushingly critical.

For instance, I have this friend, Mythical, who seems to love to criticize. It seems that he is never so happy as when he’s relating a hard-done-by story. One where he’s hard done by, of course. Every time I see him, he has a list of complaints as long as my arm. About his wife, his children, his work-place, his doctor, even his shoemaker – and the latter may very well be non-existent. Well, if you ever meet Mythical, you’ll know what I mean. On the rare occasion that he hasn’t got a complaint, he says ‘Well, we all know that this can’t last!‘

Now, I’ve known Mythical for a long time. And I know that there’s one thing that really gets his goat. He gets really upset when people CRITICIZE.

He explodes: ‘I just wish people would stop criticizing! Why can’t we all put a little positive spin on life? What of a little affirmation? The world will be a much better place!’

Huh?!!

And it suddenly hit me.

I don’t think Mythical even realizes when he’s being damagingly critical. He is merely fighting the injustices in an unjust world. The lack of love in a loveless era. The insincerity in an insincere community. No, he’s not being critical!

Yes, my friend sees himself as a lone soldier, backed against a wall, fighting the world.

© iStockphoto.com/biffspandex

*Sigh*

I have two pieces of advice for Mythical. Assuming I got him to read this post completely, up to this point, I could say:

1. Mythical, next time you accuse someone else of being critical, please – um – stop, won’t you? Perhaps you could consider what’s happening in that person’s life that is causing them to be so critical? You may even find that the two of you have a lot in common. You are really two lone soldiers, backs to your respective walls, fighting against an unjust world, a loveless era, an insincere community. You seem to be on opposite sides of the fight merely because you’re backed up against different walls.

And if he’s calmly listened to me to this point – which is doubtful, I could continue:

2. Also, next time you have a hard-done-by story to tell, perhaps you could take a long, hard look at yourself first? There could be things – holes, unresolved issues, you  know -  in your life that are somehow making you feel like you’re fighting the world. And maybe – just maybe – that’s causing you to attack more than defend. And you are – unknowingly of course – causing pain. But, Mythical, rather than getting all guilted up, perhaps you should be kind to yourself, and gently address whatever it is that’s got you somehow backed up against that wall, fighting.

Yes, I hear what you’re saying. Why am I even hanging round Mythical, letting this stream of negativity pour unstemmed into my life?

Well… it’s a little hard to dump Mythical. You see, Mythical IS ME.

Yep! I’m talkin’ about myself.

And I really hope I hear this advice. And, kind of actually do something about it.

Well, perhaps Mythical is also you. And you over there. And that person sitting on the sidewalk. And the other one over there. And that grumpy man across the road. And…

Because we’re all really in the same hard place. Backed up against those walls, fighting off the rest of the world.

There must be a heck of a lot of walls around.

A year ago today, he walked into eternity.

]]> http://third-culture-kid.com/2010/01/23/images-of-a-father/feed/ 0 http://third-culture-kid.com/2009/12/29/the-wrap/ http://third-culture-kid.com/2009/12/29/the-wrap/#comments Tue, 29 Dec 2009 10:15:47 +0000 THIRD CULTURE KID http://third-culture-kid.com/?p=357

What is it that drives us, at the end of each year, to either take stock or hide in insensibility? However far I run from clichés, I simply find myself entangled in a whole other bunch of them. So here I am, trying to formulate a suitable summary of The Year That Was…

First of all, I’d like to wish every one of this blog’s readers a safe and fantastic 2010. Thank you for reading and commenting over the last two years!

As a family, 2009 turned out to be a roller-coaster. We had an inkling of this when, early in the year, my father passed away and my partner’s job became a casualty of the GFC.

Since then we’ve been in a state of flux. My partner and I swapped roles at home, something that put considerable pressure on our family. A source of further pressure was the processing of my TCK childhood – which appeared to take on a life of its own. And the year continued to be eventful in other ways.

All these have made it quite apparent to us that we have, in the past, stinted in some of the things we have been paying into our relationship. The results have shown whenever the rubber hit the road this year.

2009 does finish on many positive notes. We have some clear direction for the future. We have also been able to take time out for respite before diving into the new year. And we have 2010 to look forward to.

2010 is a year of new beginnings. Our oldest child starts school – a significant step for all of us! Then, as alluded to in a previous post, the first step in a radical career change for my partner begins. And we want 2010 to be a year when we do pay generously into that significant relationship – our marriage – so there are few cracks to mar the ride.

A friend recently observed that there are two people in her. ‘Normally, I am a rational, self-controlled, mature woman. But there are times when the little girl that I was comes out, with all her insecurities, and controls what I do.’

She speaks of emotionally trying times. Sometimes these are when matters of the heart are preeminent in her thoughts. Sometimes they are when she encounters hurt.

My friend is insightful. The little girl in me, who has her own share of insecurities, leaps unaccountably to the fore when I least want her to. ‘Darling,’ my mother says. ‘We’re running out of milk’. The rational me would answer, ‘Yep! It’s on the list’. Instead, I snap back: ‘Oh for heaven’s sake, I know that already!’ My mother’s innocent comment triggers an old, old reflex within the little girl who felt deeply inadequate among the much-older, much more life-experienced people around her.

It becomes more complicated in my marriage. There isn’t just a little girl who comes to the fore. You guessed it: there’s a little boy who marches out too, demanding his share of attention. Ever seen pre-schoolers in a play-ground? It isn’t pretty among adults.

I think my friend’s analysis is spot-on. It’s another tool with which to interpret my extraordinarily unpredictable relational behaviour.

Her solution? She says, ‘I have to talk to that little girl and calm her fears.’

I’m off to do the same.

First, as a family, it was time to farewell a significant part of it. We have been celebrating the life of, and saying goodbye to one of our closest loved ones.

Then Black Saturday 2009 came. Australia suffered devastating bush-fires. We have felt the pain and been powerless to assist as tens of thousands of hectares were burnt, killing hundreds and making thousands homeless. Please, if you are able to but have not yet donated to recovery efforts, may I direct you to Red Cross Australia’s site? Thank you.

Finally, as a family unit, we are facing a life-change as an indirect result of the global economic crisis. This has left us pondering next steps and new directions.

Enough writing material here for the next few months!

Thank you for reading. Stay tuned as life continues…

Perhaps ultimately it is not about religion, politics, or even heritage. It is perhaps mostly about people, and how people relate to other kinds of people. It is perhaps about people afraid of trusting others, because they perceive that others, rightly or wrongly, have been untrustworthy. Perhaps it is about perspectives that people have been fed, by ancestors, by neighbours, and anyone else who has fingers in this pie, in order to ensure the survival of something, or some things. Perhaps it is about us all.

I guess this wasn’t a silent post after all.