Teacher. Photographer. Champion athlete. Father.

A year ago today, he walked into eternity.

]]> http://third-culture-kid.com/2010/01/23/images-of-a-father/feed/ 0 http://third-culture-kid.com/2009/12/29/the-wrap/ http://third-culture-kid.com/2009/12/29/the-wrap/#comments Tue, 29 Dec 2009 10:15:47 +0000 THIRD CULTURE KID http://third-culture-kid.com/?p=357

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What is it that drives us, at the end of each year, to either take stock or hide in insensibility? However far I run from clichés, I simply find myself entangled in a whole other bunch of them. So here I am, trying to formulate a suitable summary of The Year That Was…

First of all, I’d like to wish every one of this blog’s readers a safe and fantastic 2010. Thank you for reading and commenting over the last two years!

As a family, 2009 turned out to be a roller-coaster. We had an inkling of this when, early in the year, my father passed away and my partner’s job became a casualty of the GFC.

Since then we’ve been in a state of flux. My partner and I swapped roles at home, something that put considerable pressure on our family. A source of further pressure was the processing of my TCK childhood – which appeared to take on a life of its own. And the year continued to be eventful in other ways.

All these have made it quite apparent to us that we have, in the past, stinted in some of the things we have been paying into our relationship. The results have shown whenever the rubber hit the road this year.

2009 does finish on many positive notes. We have some clear direction for the future. We have also been able to take time out for respite before diving into the new year. And we have 2010 to look forward to.

2010 is a year of new beginnings. Our oldest child starts school – a significant step for all of us! Then, as alluded to in a previous post, the first step in a radical career change for my partner begins. And we want 2010 to be a year when we do pay generously into that significant relationship – our marriage – so there are few cracks to mar the ride.

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A friend recently observed that there are two people in her. ‘Normally, I am a rational, self-controlled, mature woman. But there are times when the little girl that I was comes out, with all her insecurities, and controls what I do.’

She speaks of emotionally trying times. Sometimes these are when matters of the heart are preeminent in her thoughts. Sometimes they are when she encounters hurt.

My friend is insightful. The little girl in me, who has her own share of insecurities, leaps unaccountably to the fore when I least want her to. ‘Darling,’ my mother says. ‘We’re running out of milk’. The rational me would answer, ‘Yep! It’s on the list’. Instead, I snap back: ‘Oh for heaven’s sake, I know that already!’ My mother’s innocent comment triggers an old, old reflex within the little girl who felt deeply inadequate among the much-older, much more life-experienced people around her.

It becomes more complicated in my marriage. There isn’t just a little girl who comes to the fore. You guessed it: there’s a little boy who marches out too, demanding his share of attention. Ever seen pre-schoolers in a play-ground? It isn’t pretty among adults.

I think my friend’s analysis is spot-on. It’s another tool with which to interpret my extraordinarily unpredictable relational behaviour.

Her solution? She says, ‘I have to talk to that little girl and calm her fears.’

I’m off to do the same.

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My apologies for the long silence. So far 2009 has turned out to be the Year of Change!

First, as a family, it was time to farewell a significant part of it. We have been celebrating the life of, and saying goodbye to one of our closest loved ones.

Then Black Saturday 2009 came. Australia suffered devastating bush-fires. We have felt the pain and been powerless to assist as tens of thousands of hectares were burnt, killing hundreds and making thousands homeless. Please, if you are able to but have not yet donated to recovery efforts, may I direct you to Red Cross Australia’s site? Thank you.

Finally, as a family unit, we are facing a life-change as an indirect result of the global economic crisis. This has left us pondering next steps and new directions.

Enough writing material here for the next few months!

Thank you for reading. Stay tuned as life continues…

Gaza is on my mind, as I am sure it is for many people. This was going to be a silent post (though how, I don’t know), because I can’t write anything cohesive about it. The situation is complicated. It can be looked at on so many levels, and I fear that no one solution will appease at all those levels. There are the many groups who can lay claim to that area. There are the people, on both sides, who are being killed, maimed, and traumatized by the violence. There are political agreements that have shaped Gaza’s destiny over the years. There are promises that have been made. The responsibility for the creation of the present Gazan situation lies with many groups, even groups that appear disconnected from the situation as it is. Then there is, of course, the religious aspect.

Perhaps ultimately it is not about religion, politics, or even heritage. It is perhaps mostly about people, and how people relate to other kinds of people. It is perhaps about people afraid of trusting others, because they perceive that others, rightly or wrongly, have been untrustworthy. Perhaps it is about perspectives that people have been fed, by ancestors, by neighbours, and anyone else who has fingers in this pie, in order to ensure the survival of something, or some things. Perhaps it is about us all.

I guess this wasn’t a silent post after all.