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A friend recently observed that there are two people in her. ‘Normally, I am a rational, self-controlled, mature woman. But there are times when the little girl that I was comes out, with all her insecurities, and controls what I do.’

She speaks of emotionally trying times. Sometimes these are when matters of the heart are preeminent in her thoughts. Sometimes they are when she encounters hurt.

My friend is insightful. The little girl in me, who has her own share of insecurities, leaps unaccountably to the fore when I least want her to. ‘Darling,’ my mother says. ‘We’re running out of milk’. The rational me would answer, ‘Yep! It’s on the list’. Instead, I snap back: ‘Oh for heaven’s sake, I know that already!’ My mother’s innocent comment triggers an old, old reflex within the little girl who felt deeply inadequate among the much-older, much more life-experienced people around her.

It becomes more complicated in my marriage. There isn’t just a little girl who comes to the fore. You guessed it: there’s a little boy who marches out too, demanding his share of attention. Ever seen pre-schoolers in a play-ground? It isn’t pretty among adults.

I think my friend’s analysis is spot-on. It’s another tool with which to interpret my extraordinarily unpredictable relational behaviour.

Her solution? She says, ‘I have to talk to that little girl and calm her fears.’

I’m off to do the same.

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I thought I had all the puzzle pieces, and then I went ‘home‘.

That place is one of many I call, to some extent, by that name.

When I went to that home, I discovered that perhaps not all of who I am, what I think, and how I feel, are because I am a TCK.

I am part of a wonderful family. But my quirks, and even my family’s quirks – endearing and otherwise – might always have made me a little different, even in my birth country.

I am who I am because I am a TCK. I am also who I am because I am the daughter of my parents, and the granddaughter of my grandparents. I am also who I am because of where I fit into my immediate family. I am who I am because…

The list seems endless. We are very complex beings! Just when we think we have ourselves worked out, another piece appears.

Wikipedia says: A puzzle is a problem or enigma that challenges ingenuity.

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